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Unapologetically Asking for a Friend

E

Too Long to Date

Unapologetically Single

Hey, I'm 30 yrs old w/ a 5 yr old diva. I'm slightly afraid to dating in fear that I will bring the wrong guy around her. I was wondering what the opinion of the women on the site when it comes to dating. Currently I only date when she is visiting her dad in FL. Is that too much to ask a man to wait about 6-8 wks during the school year for us to go on a date? Can't wait to hear what everyone has to say.

KC - Listen, Mama's need love too! Have you never watched "How Stella Got her Groove Back"?!? We're not suggesting you hop on a flight to Jamaica with a baby on your hip in hopes of finding a young Taye Diggs look-a-like. But as long as you're not exposing your children to a revolving door of men, then I don't see the harm in a young mother dating and essentially having a life outside of caring for her children.

I'm sure any halfway decent man would understand if you couldn't get a baby sitter every now and then, but it's a tad bit selfish to ask a guy to wait around on standby for 8 weeks until your kids are out of town. What happens when they return from their visit and you're still not sure? Do they have to go into hiding again?!

Plus, In the day and age of catfish I would be serving major side-eye to anyone who insisted I wait that long before meeting or going on a date! ...Are they're hiding something? maybe there's someone else, Maybe they're on the run from the law and have to lay low for a couple of weeks! And POOF! It would be over before it even really began.

The Key Word is BALANCE! You are allowed to be a loving and caring mother, as well as have a social life independent of you child. Don't lose yourself.

LC- While I don't have children I COMPLETELY understand not wanting to introduce your child to just ANY man, especially in today's climate.  Hell, I won't even let a man pick me up from my home until I'm completely comfortable with him AND I get my girl down at the police station to check his criminal history ( just kidding...maybe).  However sis, I do think 6-8 weeks is a little long to go on a date.  Just like Mama Dee, you deserve a night out on the town with a gentleman suitor and you shouldn't limit your fun to only when your mini me is around!  Whoever you're dating will understand that your daughter will always come first when she's in town and if they're right for you, they'll they will make provisions to work around YOUR schedule. 

Also... try to put yourself in another's shoes.  Would you want to wait two whole months to go on a date? What if you wait two months just to find out that he doesn't wash the crust out of his eyes and/or voted for Trump.  Then you'v wasted TWO WHOLE months of your time and phone data that you can never get back. 

Online Dating Expectations

Unapologetically Single

Dear U.S.: The guy I’m dating still has an online dating profile. I know we’re still in the very early stages but I still find this rude. Especially since it’s so easily accessible to everyone. Am I the crazy one?

LC- Friend, your expectations are clearly not the same.  Until you two choose to become exclusive , he has every right to keep his options open, and SO DO YOU!!  Don’t put all your bags in his basket until you KNOW he’s the “ONE”.  Life is too short and men nowadays are too fine.  Swipe on sista, SWIPE ON!!! 

KC - Sorry Beloved, if he still has that POF account active, he's still on the market. But you did say you were in the early stages, so RELAX! Continue to enjoy each others company and if things begin to really heat up, be an adult and have that conversation.

Coming out

Unapologetically Single

Dear U.S.: My mom thinks I'm a lesbian because I never bring anyone home, I'm not, but I'm tired of the questions, Help!

Kat C- I’m no stranger to this type of shade. In my case, the shady culprit is my grandma and these encounters can go one of two ways. Option 1 consists of me taking a moment to explain that if I were a lesbian, I would have every right to live my life on my terms.  In addition to just answering the initial question, these conversations often lead to me becoming the LGBTQ rights aficionado at the dinner table.  Option 1 can cause all types of intense veins popping,  unwanted tension and awkwardness, but hell, if you’re going to make me uncomfortable, we both can play that game. Option 2 is to just pretend you didn’t hear the shady comment and keep it moving. Relatives know how to push your buttons.  I usually go for the latter because it’s just not that serious.

Lezita C- Advise her that you’re tired of living in the closet and you’ve finally decided to come out as *cue the sad Lifetime music* “SINGLE”. IF she asks you what coming out single is, then refer her to our About Me page, request that she buy you a box for your birthday, then hit her with the "Have a blessed day". 

Confused Status

Unapologetically Single

Dear US: If I'm dating but not married, am I still single?

Lezita C- When you go to file your taxes, is there a check box for “Nah . Not married but I GOTTA MAN!”? If not, then by my definition beloved you are single.  In my opinion, single does not mean that you are not in a relationship.  It simply means that you have not taken the next step to cross that marital finish line. Being single and in a relationship does not in ANY way invalidate the love you have for your partner.  Having a happy and mutually fulfilling relationship is the goal... not a title/status.  Also, if truth be told, you are in charge of your entire life and how you decide to run it.  If you want to call yourself Wifey, Bae, Love button,  HBIC, and/or Man eater then by all means, DO YOU BOO!  

Kat C- I firmly believe that “If you’re not married, you’re single” however, I understand that some exclusions may apply.  If you're in a long term committed relationship and both parties feel that marriage is not the best option for the relationship (i.e. Oprah and Stedman), then I wouldn’t consider you single.  But if every 6 month’s you are on Facebook telling the world how madly in love you are with a new guy….girl bye!  You’re SINGLE and all your social media friends are probably annoyed at your endless relationship rotations. Keep that sh*t to yourself

Casual Friend Relations

Unapologetically Single

Dear U.S.: How bad is it to have casual sex with someone in your friend circle?

Lezita C- Not bad if you don’t mind possibly losing a friend and/or having your mutual friends knowing your favorite position if it all goes bad.  Also, SOMEONE will catch feelings…they always do.  Be prepared to embrace or shun those feelings.  With great sex comes GREAT (hopefully big) responsibility.

Kat C- Real Bad. 

Love me...Love HIM NOT

Unapologetically Single

Dear U.S.: I’ve been dating this guy for barely a month and he said “I love you”. I know that there’s nothing wrong with falling in love after a few weeks but I just wasn’t there yet so I responded with “Awww, that’s so sweet”. I was hoping he’d move on but he’s clearly holding a grudge. What should I do now? I thought everything was going well but now It has been really awkward lately.

Kat C- At some point in our lives we will all fall victim to the “one-sided I Love You” and there’s not much that we can do about that. We all fall in love at different rates and although we can’t control that, we can be adults about the situation and have an open dialogue about all that mushy stuff (love, feelings, where you see the relationship going, etc.) I think you did the right thing by not offering up a premature I Love You just to appease him. Never let a man bully your emotions! I suggest an adult sit-down take place ASAP and you two need to be 100% honest with your feelings. If he’s not able to accept the stage that you’re at in the relationship then its time for you to chuck the deuces.

Lezita C- Run. Like. The DAMNNNNNN. WIND!!!! No but, seriously be very cautious.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was LOVE. Even if it IS real love, that honeymoon phase wears off really QUICK. Real love is about longevity and going through tough crap.   While he may mean it in a non-fatal attraction way, I’d still pay close attention to the actions that follow. Also, it’s never good to lie about your feelings especially when the L word is involved, however, you should definitely respect his space if he’s feeling slighted by your lack of fairytale love for him.  Just give it a little time.  In the meantime, pay attention to the bushes near your home and job parking lot…he might we lurking there waiting for you. JUST Kidding...not really. 

Online Dating

Unapologetically Single

Dear U.S.: I’m in my early 30’s. Am I too old to be on Tinder and/or Plenty of Fish?

Kat C.-Listen, we all know what those sites are for….CASUAL HOOKUPS! And if that’s what you’re looking for then you go right on ahead! You don’t need us validating who you’re throwing "it" at or why. I know plenty of women in their 30’s and 40’s who use those sites. Now if you're seriously trying to find a soulmate then I’d recommend a better dating site but you will 100% come across basement creeps no matter which site you frequent. Practice discernment.

Lezita C.-Nope! Not if you’re looking for a quick sexual healing.  However, if you’re looking for quality, try to mingle outside of the inter webs a little more.  Wear those cute yoga pants to the grocery store or pay attention to the cutie in at brunch.  At a certain age, hook ups are STILL fun, but your time is a little more valuable and you really don’t have time for TOO much craziness.  There’s nothing worse than thinking you’re meeting Channing Tatum, but instead Jack Nicholson strolls through the door.  In the end, do whatever makes you and your loins happy.  There is no one paying your bills…so who cares about random judgments.

 

Ex- Boyfriend Ultimatum

Unapologetically Single

Dear U.S.: My ex repeatedly tried to get back together with me, texted me less than 2 weeks ago once again begging to try and work things out/offering to take me out but I declined. Now this week I see that he posted about how happy he is with his new girlfriend. I 100% don’t want him back because he’s a compulsive liar but a part of me wants to warn her! Am I just being petty? Should I just leave it alone? A similar thing happened a few years ago with a different guy and I just really don’t understand men. Help?

Lezita C- So here’s the thing, you could DM her, but odds are she may not believe your sincerity and it blows up in your face. Or even if she believes you, she may continue to stay with him and now you’ve wasted about 100 characters of your time. If you want him to leave you alone, here’s what you do: Email your ex a screenshot of ALL the messages that he’s sent to you and include your paypal information with a note that reads “ Option 1: You can tell your girlfriend the truth.  Option 2: You can send me $50 dollars and I’ll forget this ever happened.”  10 times out of 10 he’ll leave you alone either way.

Kat C- This question seriously made me roll my eyes so hard that it hurt. It seems to me like a last-ditch effort on his part to “get that old thing back” or at least explore any what-if’s that he has playing in his mind. Either way, that’s none of your damn business! You said you were 100% over him so act like it. We’ve all had our petty moments but Christmas is right around the corner and I know you want to make Santa’s Nice List (If not, just be petty).  Final Verdict: I would continue to ignore the hell out of him and just let Karma do its job.